My Amazing Holiday In Tenerife…< My 30th Birthday Party | Blog | I Was The Best Dressed Cowboy In The West... > A few weeks ago my friend Tristan was all set up to go to Tenerife with his girlfriend. But they split up, and it looked like the holiday was going to be cancelled. Tristan asked me if I'd like to go, as he did not want to lose his holiday. I jumped at the chance, as I really needed a break from my boring job, home, plus everything else going on, and also I've never got round to going abroad before, so it was something new for me to experience. Tristan also invited his two friends Anna and Emma to come along on holiday with us. On the first day Tuesday 29th August, I had to get round Tristan's house mega early to pick him up in my Dad's car, for the flight there from Gatwick. We got to Tristan's house at about 3.30am on Tuesday morning. We loaded up my Dad's car with mine and Tristan's cases. Anna and Emma were taken to the airport in Ashley's car, who is Tristan's brother. We got to the airport and there was a lot of security there, police with guns, because of the recent terrorist attempt. We had to take off our shoes and belts, and everything we had was scanned, some people had to leave stuff behind, as certain things like bottles of liquid etc were not allowed on as hand luggage. Once we were on the plane everything was ok. We had a breakfast on the flight with beans, sausages, hash browns, bacon, corn flakes and later a tub of ice cream. Tristan bought a deck of cards and showed me some of his card tricks, some of his tricks were really great, others were not so great, as he has not done some of the tricks for a while. There was a guy sitting to the left of me, and he was really pissed off all the time. I think he was sick in the head or something, as he looked like he was going to explode with rage every time I got up to visit the toilet, he also shouted at his kids, who were sitting opposite him on the other row of seats. Tristan also had an issue with someone on the plane, as some strange teenage boy sitting in front of him kept on trying to crush Tristan's legs by leaning back, but Tristan wouldn't have it, as he kept pushing him forward with his knees, which was very funny. The flight to Tenerife took four hours. When I got off the plane, the heat hit me, but it looked very nice and different, as the sun was lower, and the sky was a different colour. We caught a taxi from the airport, and it was my first experience of a Spanish taxi driver. They drive like a mad person playing the Grand Theft Auto video game; I had to hold on to the back of the seat and the side panels of the door, to avoid behind flung all round the car. My first views of the scenery were very nice; it was like a stony desert with cacti, odd looking plants, and interesting Mediterranean and Spanish style architecture. We arrived at our apartment, which was the Regency Club in Torviscas. Tristan's parents own a time share apartment there. We checked into reception, but our apartment was not ready. This when I learned something new about the Spanish people, which is called S.M.T, which means Spanish Mellow Time. They often take forever to do anything, which is very different to the English way of life, as we're always in a rush. It took about five hours before we got into the apartment, but it seemed longer than that. Once we got into our apartment, myself and the two girls were very impressed with it. The balcony outside was massive and like a roof garden with a BBQ, sun beds, plus table and chairs with sun umbrellas.
Tristan's parents owned the very best apartment at the Regency Club, and he and his family have been lucky enough to visit there ten times.
The rest of the holiday is a bit of a drunken blur, but I'll try to remember what we did in the right order, although my brain is somewhat scrambled. I lost track of the time and days, so I may get some of it wrong! Sorry Tristan!
I think on the first or second day, all four of us went for a meal together that evening. We caught a taxi to somewhere near the coast and we walked along to try and find the best place to eat. We got stopped every five seconds by different people wanting us to go in their restaurant, or by black people trying to sell us watches, sun glasses, or laser pens. We eventually got a seat sitting outside a nice restaurant. I ordered scampi and chips, which were very nice. The orange juice I drank was freshly squeezed and very different to any orange juice I had before, I asked for another glass, but didn't get it. I also had a nice pudding, which was some form of ice cream. The waiters though were very slow, maybe because some of them were Spanish and were working on S.M.T, it seamed like we were there for hours and they took ages getting our food and drinks. I liked it there, but I don't think the girls were impressed.
When we got back to the Regency Club myself and Tristan had cocktails at the bar. We drank a drink called Zombie, which was foul, as it had far too much alcohol in it.
The day after I think Tristan found out about us winning the VIP entry to meet DJ Dave Pearce at a nightclub called Tramps in Tenerife. We found out by looking at our emails on the public computers in the Regency Club, we were both excited about the news and looking forward to the following Monday for the big night. During the day we visited various shops, as Tristan wanted to buy some Spanish dance music mixes on CD's. He couldn't find what he wanted as most of the shops had changed their stock to electronic goods and they either had very little, or no CD's to sell at all. Back at the Regency Club we went in the pool and got some lunch at the pool bar.
In the evening me and Tristan went out to paint the town red. We visited many bars and places. We went inside an arcade and had a go on a fortune telling machine, which printed off the future for us. Both mine and Tristan's were spookily accurate, and some of mine came true that night and the night after! Our printed futures also had lotto numbers on, which I'll use each week until I'll win, as everything else was correct on it! We went in one English themed bar and it was almost empty apart from a few football hooligan type families and a rubbish karaoke singer, so we had one drink and moved on. A middle aged blonde Spanish lady started talking to us outside and we followed her for ages and she led us up some steps, up a back ally, and someplace dark, and I was starting to worry that I was being led away to be mugged by some big Spanish guys, or something. She took us into another bar that was made to look like an English pub. We sat at the bar and drank Smirnoff Ice's. We drank some Tequila shots with a dash of salt and lemon afterwards. A young dark haired Spanish lady with piercings all over her face laughed at me, as she thought I drank the shot like a lady, she looked more manly than me. I thought you bitch, thanks a lot! I was attracted by some purple and red flashing lights, and some funky music coming from the street below, which we could see out of a big open window by the bar. The woman with the piercings told me an interesting story about what was down there... I asked Tristan if he wanted to leave the fake English pub, as there were only about two customers at the bar, and so we left. As we left the bar, we walked along the street to where the flashing lights were coming from. There was a dodgy looking guy outside who invited us in. It was an interesting place, with some even more interesting women inside the club. We had a great time inside the club and visited a similar one later that evening, and a few more like it that week; it was certainly an experience, and one of the highlights of the holiday. Later on Tristan wanted to eat chicken, so we found a cheap place to stop, and we ate some chicken burgers, nuggets, and fries. We talked to some young Irish lads there, who were totally wrecked like us, and they had been to a foam party at some club, one of the Paddy's eyes were all red and stinging, due to the foam, which I thought was very funny, but I did not have the guts to laugh at him, as I did not want to eat hospital food for the rest of the week. After enjoying eating our rotten chicken we left there. I was dying for a wee and I could not find a toilet, so I had to use a dark place by a bush. Tristan had great fun shouting at everyone in the street to let them know I was relieving myself in a bush. When I finished and tried to find Tristan he had disappeared. I shouted his name and there was no answer, I started to panic, as I had no money left for the taxi home. Tristan eventually appeared again laughing his head off at me, which I didn't think was very funny. We then caught our taxi back to the Regency Club. We arrived back at around 3.30am in the morning and accidentally woke the girls up in the other room. The next day we visited the Aqua Park, which was a large outdoor swimming pool and water slide complex. I think I was very brave, as I can't swim, so each time I came shooting out of a water slide, into the pool, I nearly drowned whilst trying to get upright again with my head above the water. It was fun though. The scariest ride for me was the one called the Boomerang, as that involved sitting in a little dingy with Tristan in the front and sliding down a near vertical drop to slide up the other vertical slope on the other side. As Tristan is a big lad, we shot down there like a bullet and Tristan's feet hit the top of the vertical drop on the other side, and we slid back down again sideways! My favourite ride was the Lazy River, as it was impossible for me to swallow gallons of water, as I was just sitting in a dingy and letting the current of water take us round. Tristan tried to upturn my boat, but I got away. We had some food there and sat with the girls Emma and Anna on the sun beds. We also saw a Dolphin show at the Aqua Park too, which was alright. The ground there was very hot and burned my feet a little. Then we headed back to the Regency Club. We went out for a meal again in the evening with Anna, we played some crazy golf together and I lost. Then we had cocktails again at the bar at the Regency Club. The next day we went to the Jungle Park, which was a big zoo inside a jungle. There were lions, tigers, monkeys, birds and etc there. Me, Tristan, and Anna went on the Toboggan ride. Tristan came off the Toboggan and bruised himself, as he wanted to go down it at full speed, but shot off into the air on a sharp corner. Some people on a bridge shouted 'Jack Ass' at him. Me and Tristan then went on some of the Jungle assort course, but I could only manage the first few, as I was sweating like an English pig. Tristan did the whole course. Everybody was sweating buckets so we agreed to get a taxi back to the Regency Club. On the way out, both Anna and Emma screamed, me and Tristan were worried that a lion, or something else big and wild got out, but the girls were just screaming at two small lizards who were happily running together along the path, so it was ok really.
We got back to the Regency Club and cooled off in the pool. Later that evening, me and Tristan went out again. We ate at a Greek restaurant that was really nice, I got chatting to a nice Polish waitress who was serving us, I told her we were VIP's of DJ Dave Pearce at Tramps the following Monday. I asked if she was up for it and wanted to go to Tramps and she said yes and gave me her mobile number, which was great. We were about to leave after our meal, when some Greek guy stopped us, and said we have to see the Belly Dancing show at his restaurant, so I asked Tristan to stay so we could see it. At first we didn't have a very good view, as the female belly dancers were dancing behind a pillar. But later on during their routine they came to our table and pulled us up to dance with them. They had very nice bodies and looked very sexy in their costumes. We were the only ones dancing with them; it was very embarrassing, but very funny. We took some pictures with the belly dancers. I said goodbye to my new Polish friend, the pretty waitress Ellie.
We got back to the Regency Club and had some more cocktails. The next day I don't remember what I did during the day. I think me, Tristan and Anna went shopping and looking at shops that didn't have CD's. We had a meal at the Regency Club then saw a live parrot show there, which was very good. I had my picture taken with some birds of the feathered kind.
We got a taxi to the nearby town, and found a fairground, we had a go at a number of stalls that gave prizes, one game we played we didn't have a clue what was going on, as we were given loads of bits of paper with pictures, numbers and Spanish words on. Tristan won a tiny toy camel during a darts game at the fair. We then had a go at lucky dips. Tristan won a witch, a yellow and pink plastic pony with accessories and some sun glasses. I won a plastic fish stuck on a hinge bracket and a crocodile mobile phone that made barking noises and played annoying tunes. We then went on the dodgems, I had a dodgy dodgem as mine kept cutting out and going backwards. We saw a ride that spun people around whilst bouncing them up and down and I didn't have the guts to go on it, as I get motion sickness. We went on a roller coaster instead that looked like a dragon, and not very safe. Tristan saw a boat that went up and down like a pendulum with cages for people to stand in, but as we had eaten, we couldn't face going on it.
We then went to a place called Paradise Island, but it was no Paradise, as it was run down with none of the rides working. Tristan was hoping to go on the Bungee Ball, but it was broken and he was disappointed. There were also drunk football hooligan types there that looked scary, so we left to go back to the Regency Club.
The next day we chilled out on the balcony, by the pool, ate at the pool bar, went in the pool, sun bathed, ate a meal at the Regency Club restaurant, then in the evening we watched a live flamenco dancing show, which was really great. We were pulled up by two attractive female dancers and danced with them on stage and had our pictures taken with them.
I don't remember much from the last few days, but remember chatting to some interesting women again. I also remember going for as much as you can eat buffet at a Thai restaurant, and Tristan pretty much ate the whole buffet cart! The next thing I remember is going to Tramps, which is the top night club on the Island. I tried calling Ellie, who was the Polish waitress from the Greek place to come out with me, but I couldn't get hold of her on the number she gave me, so I gave up. We had trouble getting in Tramps at first as our names were not on the VIP guest list, we were asked to try again later when Dan, who is DJ Dave Pearce's agent, arrives. We sat waiting in the nearby depressing Paradise Island waiting for DJ Dave Pearce to enter the Tramps night club. We drank plenty of Red Bulls, as we were going to really go for it that night, then we played one of the arcade games that was still working there. We returned to Tramps, and we were now on the VIP guest list! The lady at the door apologised, and gave us some free drink vouchers, and at last we were let inside the club! We went up to the bar and got some drinks. We found the DJ booth and the VIP area but we couldn't get in yet, as Dave Pearce was not yet there. Later on Dave appeared inside the DJ booth and we were watching him. Tristan was dumbstruck or something, as I tried for ages to get him to walk round to the VIP entrance, eventually he moved, and the bouncer checked our names and let us in the VIP area. We spoke to Dan, who is Dave's agent, and he bought us a drink each. We were dancing round like loons in the VIP area, whilst being videoed by one of the Tramp staff.
Tristan managed to blag a Dave Pearce T-shirt off one of the staff.
We later both appeared on Dave's website. http://www.davepearce.co.uk I got chatting to some nice looking women in the VIP area, one of them knew Guildford, it was so loud in there though, it was difficult to talk and hear anything. We were in the VIP area until nearly 6am, Tristan decided to do a bit of pole and podium dancing, and then we left.
We headed back to get a taxi and we got a call to say Anna and Emma were in our beds! It was due to a lizard getting into our apartment, and scaring them. We caught a taxi back to the Regency Club, and I lost all my Euro notes I had left, in the back of the cab. We spoke to the guy in reception of the Regency Club to see if he could remove the lizard from our apartment, and he said he couldn't do this. He said he likes the lizards and they're really good, as they catch and eat flies. We got into our apartment and woke up Emma and Anna by our drunken crashing about. They were in our beds, so we had to sleep with the lizard (which we could not find) in the other room. We woke up a few hours later, and we had to catch a taxi back to the airport. We got on the plane back to Gatwick and had a nice meal on the flight.
At the baggage area at Gatwick, my bag was the very last to come off and took ages to appear. We then got a lift back to Tristan's house by his mum taking us there, and his brother took the girls home. Related ContentComments on My Amazing Holiday In Tenerife… |
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